This is a collection of short posts, not really connected but they seem to cover a similar theme. The character basically reviewing recent events or just her own thoughts.
The grains of sand trickled through her hand. She watched as the wind swirled them into a tiny vortex. Bliss had ridden a few miles out from city. She'd needed some time to think, alone. In town she could be assured that Prophet would eventually show up to disturb her. He was like a specter constantly shadowing her. Most of the time he wouldn't say a word, he'd just hover nearby. There were instances when she found his presence oddly comforting but this was not one of those times.
Life was changing faster then she could keep up with lately. She felt unsteady as if she were picking her way through a minefield. Not a new sensation but this time she couldn't tell where the mines had been placed. Garth was back. It should have been a joyful time for her, it wasn't turning out that way. Terra had gone off her rocker. Bliss tried to pass some of it off to her being so ill but that didn't make her feel any better. Terra had cut both her and Garth off from seeing the twins. She was having trouble explaining to her boys why Terra wouldn't let them see the twins. They didn't understand and frankly neither did she. Terra, even while ill, should have known that she would never do anything to endanger the children. It didn't make sense. Very little was making any sort of sense recently.
Garth had gone back to the Freemen. He and Terra had split up. He was moving into a tailspin, she could see it even if no one else could. Soon he'd crash in spite of her best efforts to keep him steady. She'd let him lean on her as long as he needed to, pick up the pieces after the crash and glue them back together again. After all, that was what little sister type sidekicks did for their big brothers.
She cast her gaze towards the horizon. The suns would be setting soon. Wouldn't be healthy to stay in the outskirts of town after dark. Bliss unfolded her legs to stand. Time to go back to the city. Time to go back to offering support to Garth. Blunt words that cut right to the heart of the matter. Time to go back to seeing her beloved boys were safe and happy. Back to trying to prevent Decima from killing anyone she cared about. Back to Caine's wheeling and dealing. She briefly thought of turning her bike in the other direction. To getting far away from Prophet's constant shadow. Running from always having to be responsible, level headed...adult.
Bliss slid on to the seat of her bike and turned it towards the city. Running wasn't something she was good at. It really wasn't an option. There was too much for her to do. Sylviann had to be found and Roan rescued from her clutches. Jenna had to be found and answers gotten from her regardless of the cost. Garth needed her support. She had to keep an eye on Hope and Kyle and make sure Brice didn't spirit them away. There wasn't anyone else that offer up prayers in Terra's behalf but her. The garden needed tending. Supplies had to be delivered for Caine. Keaghann and Daimonn needed her; she was their mom. She had a lot more to teach them.
There was more, much more she had to get done but at the moment exactly what escaped her. Bliss kicked the bike to life and aimed it towards the city. Her mind shifted through the tasks she had left on her list, prioritizing them. Check on Mara and the boys, see if they wanted to stay overnight with their friends at the orphanage, if not, then see to it they were settled into her room at Caine's compound. That done she would have to hit the streets to check her contacts for any sign of Sylviann, Roan or Jenna. A stop by the bonfire to pacify Prophet and check up on Decima's activities. One last delievry to make, a few things to drop off at Mr. Pertwee's. Take the time to have a cup of tea with the old man and listen to his stories of when Sabatt was green and whole. Then stop by the hospital. Check on Terra's condition and make sure the twins where still there. She could relax for a bit while at the hospital, at least she hoped she could. It often didn't turn out that way. Lastly there would be a stop at Club Psycho then it would be time to head back to the compound and catch a few hours sleep before the daily cycle started again.
The steady beat of the water against her skin was wonderful. The heat soothed the aching muscles in her neck. So what if she was using up a few days worth of water rations, she needed this. Bliss could hear her sons playing in the next room. Their laughter made a smile spread across her face. At least she seemed to be doing one thing right. They didn’t like it when she had to leave them but she didn’t exactly like doing it either. Isaakk, the big pirate, took good care of them in her absence.
Bliss had given Caine a major hard time when he introduced Isaakk. He wasn’t exactly what she had in mind for a nanny. The man had to be six foot five if he was an inch and every one of those inches was covered in bulging muscles. A shaggy mane of golden hair a top his head, full beard and mustache; Isaakk reminded her of an enormous two legged lion. Even his eyes were a golden topaz color like a big cat. It took a lot of convincing on Caine’s part for her to even let the boys meet the big man. It took all of five minutes of watching the giant with her boys for her to change her mind. Caine just chuckled and gave her that smug smile of his. "I told you he was perfect."
She turned off the water and gave her head a shake. Isaakk was perfect. The boys took to him almost immediately. Bliss found out later that Isaakk had lost his own family to illness. His wife and three children had all died from some infection that he had been able to fight off. The doctors at the hospital had done everything within their power but it hadn’t been enough. Caine said Isaakk was a good employee but he had lost his spark, his will to live, once his family had died. He figured the best way to keep Isaakk from doing something stupid was to give him someone to look after. It worked out perfectly for all concerned. Bliss got the assistance she needed to care for the boys, Isaakk got a new reason to keep on living, and the boys got someone who made them feel safe when she wasn’t around. Caine was right again, it made her want to kick him.
A hand lifted to rub the steamed mirror clean. Bliss stared at her reflection. There were times when she didn’t recognize the eyes that looked back at her. The things those dark eyes saw every day. She didn’t even have words to express the images that were imprinted on her brain. There was no way to clear out the horror from her memory. She could still close her eyes and see the bloody forms that were once her grandparents. Smell the scent of blood in the air. Feel their papery, cold skin under her hands. Was this what it was to be haunted? Not the tales of ghosts and spooks she heard as a child but one’s own memories replaying over and over again. There was no way to out run a memory. Everything those dark eyes staring back at out of the mirror had ever witnessed would be with her forever.
How many more dead since her grandparent’s deaths? Bodies broken and twisted, pools of blood spreading ever wider as life slowly drained away. Death was everywhere. A dark, shrouding force the engulfed the world. Choosing at random to end life. Good, bad, Cult, Freeman, Church, civilian, adult, child, it didn’t matter. No sense to it, no pattern, no escape. Just a shadow that dogged every step, waiting for the chance to swallow up life.
A knock at the door drew her from her depressing reverie. "Momma, are you done yet?" Bliss watched as her reflection smiled. Now she recognized the one looking back at her. "I’ll be right out Keagh. Just getting dressed." "Hurry Momma, Isaakk says he’s going to eat all the pie if you don’t."
She laughed quickly toweling herself off. "Tell Isaakk, I’ll kick his butt if he does that." She heard her son’s laughter. "Okay Momma…can I help?" Grabbing her shirt she felt her dark mood lifting. "Start without me love, I’ll be out in just a sec to help you fell the giant." She was yanking on her boots when she heard Isaakk’s mock roar of fury as well as her sons’ squealing giggles of delight. It was time to imprint a few good memories into her mind. Memories filled with pie-covered smiles, tickles and laughter.
Thank you, Frailty. Thank you Consequence. Thank you, thank you, Silence: (Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie - Alanis Morrissette)
Silence, sweet blessed silence. Not complete silence for that could bring madness but there were not any voices to disturb her thoughts. There was the crackle of the fire in the stove and the soft steady breathing of those asleep. Her eyes drifted over to where they slept. Keaghann was sleeping half upon Garth's chest as if using him for a pillow. Daimonn was curled up against his side, Garth's arm resting against the child's back protectively. A smile spread across her face slowly. It was a beautiful sight to behold.
Her fingers worked carefully on the project in her hand. Needle pushing through the delicate paper. Petal added to petal to slowly form a paper facsimile of a flower that once grew in abundance. Another useless paper flower to join the small pile growing in her lap. Flowers to brighten the drab hospital rooms of Caine and Sierra. Or flowers to carry with them as they stepped off on to the spirit walk. It would look as if Sierra would live. Caine's fate was still up in the air. The prayers were said, soon the flowers would adorn their rooms. There wasn't much else she could do for them beyond that.
She'd see that the Grotto kept going and stayed safe. Through Roan and others she'd salvage what she could of the compound and discover the who and why of the attack. Pay back would be dished out in spades. All this she would do from the background. Stealth and illusion would server her well...again. She'd pull the strings until Caine was well enough to do it himself. She was just relieved that Caine didn't keep all his profits or supplies in one place. He believed in the ancient adage, 'Don't keep all your eggs in one basket.' Smart man.
There was a lot for her slender shoulders to hold. She had her boys to look out after. She had to stay alive for them. Garth and the twins needed her too. She finally understood what went wrong with Garth and Terra. Terra needed Garth to be the anchor, the one that kept her from slamming from pole to pole in the mad world they all existed in but Garth needed an anchor as well and Terra couldn't be it. It still made a part of her sad that they hadn't made it. Love does not conquer all, a lesson well learned. Love could still kick ass and take names in her view but it wasn't all-powerful. It had to be backed by trust; strength, courage and understanding for it even to survive.
One item after another was added to her mental list. She and Garth had some business to take care of with an old enemy. This time she'd make sure his existence was ended permanently if it killed her. One life in trade for the safety of five seemed like a fair deal to her even if the life was hers. Jenna had been spotted in the city, it was time to find the woman and discover the truth. Shad had become a deep dark shade of grey. It was time to pull him back towards the light. Quent was missing; he'd run away from the hospital. She could only hope he was still alive. More prayers said to gods that other's claimed were dead. Watch over Quent and Shad.
The war within the Cult was near to the point of boiling over. Mal had asked her to keep clear of it, keep her head down. She'd heed his words and keep her promise to him to stay out of it. She was strangely pleased that he considered her a friend. She wondered if he knew she'd listen to him ramble anytime he was in the mood. She felt an odd kinship with the man, someday she would figure out why. Maybe it was just the sadness he held inside himself, a sadness she recognized and understood. She was just a lot better at hiding it then he was. Illusion again, making a reality for other's eyes that did not truly exist.
One task at a time. Plans within plans. All as delicate as the paper flower in her hand. "Seventeen years and a dozen lifetimes." Her words softly whispered as to not disturb those sleeping nearby. She held the flower up to eye level, checking the finished piece over. Soon the noise would come and it would be time to return to work but for now there was only sweet silence. The flower joined the others in her lap. She picked up the thread again to start work on the next. Beauty from paper and thread. Peace from silence.
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Friday, June 04, 2010